The Weekly Circle #9
Welcome to the ninth episode of The Weekly Circle! A free Circles in Time newsletter released every Sunday.
Hey everybody,
A friend recently told me a story of Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama. Desmond Tutu and him were sitting on a stage being interviewed. The session was mostly joyful, but at one point, the interviewer asked the Dalai Lama about his views on the China-Tibet conflict. This was at the height of the tensions between the two regions.
What unfolded were vivid signs of deep anger presented through the Dalai Lama’s body language, facial expressions and tone. The situation clearly touched him. But as quickly as the feelings arose, they were suddenly nowhere to be seen. And just like that, he was full of joy again, laughing with his old friend in the seat next to him. It was as if a wave of emotion had come across his path, flowed through him and then simply carried on its way. There was no resistance to the anger that he was suddenly struck with, and equally, there was no attachment to it either.
I imagine him as this gracious host to a hasty traveller, who he welcomed in, provided space for, and then allowed to carry on along their way.
This demonstration of openness, acceptance and non-attachment was a masterclass in everything the great man teaches.
My friend’s story of the Dalai Lama, and others like it, have got me thinking about ‘practicing what I preach’. To make sure I am continuously demonstrating my teachings around self-applied behavioural science to myself and those who are interested.
With this in mind, I have decided to start a personal initiative called Seventy Seven Systems, where I will use the toolkit I have built to start, stop, sustain or change 77 different recurring behaviours of mine. I will document each system and share the protocols and my expectations here every week. Starting with the first set of systems next week.
Industry Survey for Practitioners of Applied Behavioural Science
The annual global pulse check for Applied Behavioural Science is closing in a few days. If you are working in the field as a practitioner, we would REALLY appreciate your perspective.
You will get access to the aggregated results, and help us provide a clearer picture of where the industry is at the moment, and where it is going. Please consider participating.
WORLD VIEWS
Here are the ideas I’ve been circling around this week.
THE WORLD AROUND US
Remembering the Notorious R.B.G
This week we saw the passing of one of the most incredible feminine rights activists to have lived, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. It fair to say that a lot of the gender equality that we see in the world today, especially at a functional level, has resulted from the bold and courageous work that Ginsberg has selflessly toiled away at over the course of her life. She is an inspiring example, not just for women, but for anyone who dreams of changing the world for the better.
Some of my favourite quotes from Ruth Bader Ginsberg:
"Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you."
"Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time."
"Reading is the key that opens doors to many good things in life. Reading shaped my dreams, and more reading helped me make my dreams come true."
"Women will have achieved true equality when men share with them the responsibility of bringing up the next generation."
"I would like to be remembered as someone who used whatever talent she had to do her work to the very best of her ability."
Ginsberg’s remarks on implicit bias and the infamous orchestra study in the 1970s:
"We have made huge strides ... but we have not reached nirvana. There's still rampant discrimination on the basis of race, gender. It's true that most of the explicit classifications – men are treated this way, women that way – are gone from the law books. But what remains is what has been called unconscious bias. One excellent example of that is the symphony orchestra. In my growing up years I never saw a woman in a symphony orchestra, except perhaps a harp player.
Howard Taubman (1907-1996), who was the very able critic for The New York Times said, 'blindfold me and I can tell you if it's a woman playing the piano or a man'. Someone decided to put him to the test. He was all mixed up. Then, someone got the even brighter idea. 'Let's drop a curtain between the people who are auditioning for membership in the orchestra and the judges, so they won't see a woman's or a man's face'. That simple device, a dropped curtain, led to an almost overnight change in the composition of symphony orchestras. Unfortunately we can't duplicate the dropped curtain in every field of human endeavour."
Rest peacefully R.B.G.
THE WORLD BETWEEN US
To Help Others, Start with Yourself
In a world filled with so many unfolding environmental and social crises, it may seem like an unattractive move to focus on yourself. Yet in a perhaps paradoxical way, doing inner work may be most selfless project an individual can do for society and our planet.
We can’t expect to empathise with others suffering if we don’t know and accept it within ourselves. Additionally, without a deep sense of self-compassion, our actions, no matter how well-intentioned they may seem, will come from a place of lack, driven by fear, desire, or a need to be seen.
Our own physical and mental health is of fundamental importance if we are to be of service to the world. We should start here.
Kristin Neff, the author of a fantastic book on the subject of self-compassion, explains this seemingly counter-intuitive concept better than I ever could. Listen to her here:
Where to start: The Self-Compassion Exercise
The School of Life created a wonderful activity called the Self-Compassion Exercise, which is a structured meditation that covers a sequence of ideas to help correct your worst self-accusations. It is a worthwhile activity to keep circling back to.
Over the course of 15 minutes, the following ideas should be contemplated:
The task was very hard
“We’re so in love with success, we fail to notice the scale of the challenges we routinely set ourselves. There is nothing remotely normal about what we are trying to achieve.”We weren’t properly equipped by our histories
“We need to consider our biographies in their entireties; not just this or that setback, but the course of our lives as a whole. There were things which happened to us at the hands of others which can help to explain our current failures. We were not responsible for everything. We are in part victims of things beyond our control. We are not in complete command of who we are, and shouldn’t – therefore – be held to account for everything.”Failure is not unique
“The nature of the task means there is always a high possibility of failure. Failure is rarely spoken about. The media talks mostly of successes (or the spectacular blow-ups), but statistically, what has happened to us was always going to be more likely. ‘Better men fared thus before you,’ said Matthew Arnold, people who are even more talented than you didn’t succeed. It isn’t just that you are a fool: it was a mountain to climb.”Luck is real
“Tough, self-critical people don’t allow themselves the indulgence of believing in luck. They take responsibility for everything. They think winners make their own luck. They don’t. Luck is a genuine feature of existence. We are robbing ourselves of genuine and fair consolation by believing that we are entirely in control – and therefore entirely to blame when we crash. We are not losers in a game that was fair. We are unfortunates in an often highly random unlucky universe.”Your whole worth is not dependent on external things
“Your essential lovability does not have to be at stake in this issue. You are not only your achievements. Status and material success is one bit of you, but there are lots of other parts too. Those who loved you in childhood knew this and, in their best moments, helped you to feel it. Adopt a maternal relationship with yourself: rehearse the internalised voices of all those who have been kind to you, bathe in an intrinsic absolute love independent of achievement. Imagine a maternal figure. Let yourself listen to voices you haven’t given time for in years. Perhaps it isn’t unconditional love, it’s just that there are other conditions for love, which you happen to pass quite well. You are kind, interesting, witty, sensitive, bold, imaginative… Modern society has over-emphasised certain conditions for love, pegging them too neatly to a narrow range of victories. You should be allowed to exist and tolerate yourself without these badges.”There is a way out of this that you can’t quite see now
“You are exhausted, and panicked. You can’t see how you could move on from this. That’s not the truth, it’s merely how it feels when self-criticism has destroyed every bit of confidence. You need time without pressure. You need to sleep and nurture yourself. We have grown too good at giving the case to the prosecution. Shut out the voice of Duty and Anger.”
THE WORLD WITHIN US
Rethinking the ‘Hug Hormone’
For years the hormone, oxytocin, was thought to be primary neurochemical responsible for our willingness to open up, trust others and build intimacy. Memes quickly emerged around it being ‘the hug hormone’ or as Paul Zak famously called it ‘the moral molecule’. However, a recent set of studies published in Nature, have called this understanding of oxytocin into question.
According to Daniel Quintana, one of the researchers behind these new studies, oxytocin has a much broader role in the brain than was previously understood. It isn’t merely linked to openness, trust and intimacy. The hormone seems to also play a key role in appetite, experiencing rewards, anticipation as well as a much more comprehensive array of social relationship dynamics. As he mentions in a recent Vox interview:
“This result makes it clearer to me that oxytocin is more of a regulatory hormone [i.e. a hormone that helps the body maintain its homeostasis] that happens to influence social behavior. It tries to maintain stability in a changing environment.”
From a neurological perspective the location of oxytocin receptors all fall into areas associated within cognitive states categorised as either anticipatory, appetitive or aversive. From this perspective, oxytocin seems to have more to do with regulating our metabolism than purely guiding our social behaviour. It moves us into a stable state, which is perhaps more conducive to building and maintaining social relationships, as well as nurturing. The types of activities that the ‘oxytocin brand’ is better known for achieving.
As Quintana wrote in a personal post:
”The location of these [oxytocin] receptors are associated with mental states (as measured by a meta-analysis of thousands of fMRI studies) can be broadly categorized as anticipatory, appetitive, and aversive. In fact, there seems to be more evidence oxytocin system supports metabolism than social behavior.”
WISE WORDS
The quotes I’ve been circling around this week
ON EMBRACING YOUR WEIRDNESS
“Escape competition through authenticity. No one can compete with you on being you.” ~ Naval Ravikant
“I think everybody's weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it.” ~ Johnny Depp
“I like weird. Conformity bores but is inescapable for the most part. We all follow something, even if it is following the goal of wanting to stand apart. We are a sea of ordinary people; it is always the quirk, the flaw or the ingenuity that stands out.” ~ Donna Lynn Hope
“When any worthwhile thing is done in the world, it's usually done by somebody weird.” ~ John Sandford
“There's a whole category of people who miss out by not allowing themselves to be weird enough.” ~ Alain de Botton
“That proves you are unusual," returned the Scarecrow; "and I am convinced that the only people worthy of consideration in this world are the unusual ones. For the common folks are like the leaves of a tree, and live and die unnoticed.”~ L. Frank Baum, The Land of Oz
ON ACCEPTING CHANGE
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ~ Lao Tzu
“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.” ~ Mark Z. Danielewski
“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” ~ C. JoyBell C
COMMUNITY UPDATE
Last week I kicked off the Sample of One webinar and podcast series. The live podcast setup experiment seemed to work well. I’m excited about that! The episode recordings should be available for community members starting at the beginning of October. You can also join for the live sessions every Thursday though.
There were also a series of community check-ins last week which went well. I’m still figuring out the cadence for these, but they will likely be once a month going forward.
I’ll also be sharing a community post within the week around my Seventy Seven Systems initiative, and the additional info that community members can access, as part of that project.
SOMETHING TO PART WITH
Don’t be like Frank :)
Until next week,
Take care,
David
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